What if I don’t have anything to be grateful for?

Thanksgiving and all this talk about gratitude can make you feel crummy.

It can make you wonder, “What if I don’t have anything to be grateful for?”

At my speaking engagements, the audience members teach me so much through their questions.

When I book an event, I always ask the event organizer to leave time for Q&A, and time to linger after the talk is over. I love connecting with people. And I learn so much about where people are at through their questions and our conversations.

And what I learn time after time is that people are hurting. Perhaps now more than ever.

During my Gratitude presentation Monday evening, I uttered one of my signature phrases, “Don’t save gratitude for your good days. Gratitude is most powerful on your difficult days.”

With tears in her eyes, an audience member raised her hand and asked what she can do right now when she’s in the midst of her most difficult days. “It’s so hard to find something to be grateful for,” she said. I felt her pain. I know that kind of pain. I felt that pain when the doctors said that there was nothing left that they could do for my fiancé who was battling cancer, and that he was going to die.

I felt that pain when he died.

I felt that pain when my father died just six weeks later.

Maybe you’re feeling that kind of pain too.

• The bills are piling up and the financial worries are crushing.
• You’re caring for a sick loved one and wondering when life is going to feel better.
• You’re grieving the loss of a partner and finding it hard to think about anything positive.

Gratitude isn’t about ignoring your pain. Gratitude is a method you can use after you’ve allowed yourself to feel that pain. Gratitude helps you move forward and not feel “stuck” in that pain. Then when you do that, it helps you trust that you can allow yourself to feel your pain, because you know from experience that you’re not going to get stuck there.

Gratitude doesn’t make your problems go away.

But, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

And…focusing on one simple thing that you’re grateful for can be just the shift you need to prevent your thoughts from spiraling out of control. Focusing on one simple thing that you’re grateful for can be just what you need to elevate your mood. Even if that is ever so slight.

I’ll share with you what I shared with this audience member and everyone else in attendance.

Keep it simple.

Let yourself off the hook. You don’t have to come up with something huge to be grateful for. In fact, I encourage you to intentionally keep it simple.

Your brain can’t tell the difference whether you’re thinking about something “simple”, or something “huge.” Your brain releases the same serotonin and dopamine, whether you’re thinking about gratitude for running water (which we may label as simple but is actually huge), or you won the lottery.

We as human beings assign meaning to these things. It’s all subjective. It’s all about perception. And because of that, you can assign highlighted meaning to something that you consider “small” or “simple”. I call it “Exaggerating the Good.”

When you start doing so, you’ll find that you have more to be grateful for. Because things that you may have previously overlooked, you now notice and appreciate.

• Running water
• Choosing the temperature of that water
• A bed to sleep on
• A hug from a friend
• Opening up your refrigerator and choosing something to eat
• Your favorite song on Spotify or Youtube
• Your ears to hear that favorite song
• Choosing between Macintosh, Red Delicious, or Honeycrisp apples at the grocery store
• Your best friend’s soothing voice
• The blue sky
• A cloudy sky
• A warm blanket
• A favorite photo
• Lotion to soften dry hands
• The scent of your favorite candle
• A pen to write with
• Hazelnut coffee

These may all seem simple, but they matter. You get to assign the meaning or value to them. Turn the “simple” into “huge”. Noticing them and appreciating them makes you feel good.

Keep it simple.

Exaggerate the good.

Connect to that feeling.

Your brain is powerful, and you have the power to elevate the value.

What one simple thing are you grateful for in this moment?

In Gratitude,

Dr. Peggy AKA The Gratitude Psychologist

PS – If you missed it and would like some suggestions for simple ways to practice gratitude by yourself and with others on Thanksgiving, go to my blog by clicking HERE

If you’re interested in some more simple ways to incorporate gratitude into your life, sign up for my FREE 5-Day Gratitude Delight delivered right away straight to your inbox by clicking HERE

If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one and would like to see how gratitude helps to heal grief, click HERE for my FREE download, 5 Daily Exercises to Heal Grief, delivered immediately to your inbox.