Three Things That Hinder Your Gratitude Practice

While there’s no “wrong” way to practice gratitude, there are three things that people commonly do that get in the way of feeling good, or can even make you feel bad.​

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1. Not allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable or painful feelings.

Gratitude is not meant to be a way to repress your pain. Be mindful of not using it as a replacement for addressing your problems and uncomfortable feelings. If you are experiencing emotional pain, such as grief or betrayal, it is important that you first allow yourself to experience, process, and express that pain.

Gratitude is never meant to cover it up or not allow it to be felt. Gratitude is a way of moving forward after you have allowed yourself the time and space, and grace to feel and process that pain. Gratitude is a method to help you move through, or move forward, so you don’t “get stuck” there.

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Solution – The next time you’re experiencing emotional pain, resist the temptation to push it aside. Allow yourself to feel it. Allow yourself to express it. Talk about it with a trusted friend. Write about it. Express it in a way that feels good for you. Then you can move forward by thinking about one thing that you are grateful for about the experience, or one “silver lining.”

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2. Making lists and not connecting to the feeling.

You may have heard about the practice of making a gratitude list – to simply list what you are grateful for. While this has the benefit of helping you scan your environment for different things to be grateful for, it does not help you connect with the feeling of gratitude.

So if you’re making a list of five or ten different things every day, but not really thinking about the details of those things and why you’re grateful for them, or not connecting to the feeling that comes along with those wonderful things, then you’re depriving yourself of the fullness of gratitude.

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Solution – Switch it up! Instead of making a long list, pick one or two things that you are grateful for. Make a conscious choice to limit your list to two things. Think about those items, people, or experiences in full detail, and why you’re grateful for them. Connect with the feeling of gratitude.

For example, if you’re grateful for your best friend, think about why you are grateful for your best friend. Is it because she keeps your secrets, gives the best hugs, and/or you’ve been friends for four decades? Maybe even recall a special experience that the two of you shared. You could even take this a step further and call her to let her know!

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3. Going too big.

Often when people are thinking about what they’re grateful for, they think they have to come up with something huge – some monumental thing to be grateful for. Not only can this prevent people from engaging in the practice altogether because it feels daunting and is hard to get started, it can make people feel bad if they do not have something wonderful going on in their lives.

Gratitude is most powerful during difficult times, but this is when it can be difficult to find something to be grateful for. To experience the amazing, healing power of gratitude, go for something small on your difficult days.

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Solution – On your next difficult day, think about one small thing that you’re grateful for. Were you able to enjoy a favorite warm beverage? Did you sleep with a roof over your head? Do you have running water? Do you have a bed to sleep on?

The more we train our brains to be grateful for the small things,

the more we elevate our appreciate for all things.