Give yourself permission to feel, permission to grieve, permission to heal.

Life throws curveballs, you know. Even the best laid plans get derailed from time to time.

Life has disappointments, big and small.

Life has losses, big and small.

The tough thing is that your heart often does not know the difference.

There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re experiencing what your brain tells you is a “small” loss, yet your heart’s crushed and aching.

This is more likely to happen to you if you’ve experienced a painful loss in the past. We don’t “get over” loss, but we move through, and we move on. Yet even in moving through and eventually on, the heart remembers. Like a literal stamp on the heart.

Tragically, current loss often brings up the pain of previous losses, even if they’re completely unrelated, and even if the loss was a long time ago.

So no, you’re not going crazy. No, you’re not overreacting. No, you’re not being “too sensitive.”

You’re being human.

Also, stop comparing! The fact that others are suffering in the world does not make your own pain insignificant or any less painful. You can be compassionate towards others’ suffering and honor your own pain and allow yourself to grieve. Ignoring/not acknowledging your own pain does not make the other person’s suffering go away.

Have compassion for yourself if you’re grieving a “small” loss or disappointment and it just feels so damn heavy.

Have compassion for yourself if you feel like you’ve been punched in the gut.

Here are 4 common ways that you may be telling yourself that you don’t have permission to grieve.

• Making a healthy choice and leaving a situation that is not good for you. You may still need to grieve, even when the loss results in a healthier situation. This may involve leaving a toxic relationship or job.
• You tell yourself that someone else is worse off, and that you do not have a “right” to be upset or to grieve.
• Grieving unfulfilled expectations. Grieving does not have to involve grieving something you had. You may also need to grieve something you expected to have, or an idea, yet circumstances preventing you from having or experiencing.
• Situations that are positive and “normal”, yet involve a loss. This may include a child leaving home for college, or voluntary retirement.

Give yourself permission to feel. Give yourself permission to heal.

It’s crucial for your well-being to know what helps you feel and heal.

Whatever you may be grieving, whether that’s now or sometime in the near or distant future, give yourself permission to feel. What helps you feel? What helps you heal? Your emotional well-being needs to know. It’s ok if you need support in figuring that out. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to reach out to someone if you need help.

In Gratitude,

Peggy

​The Gratitude Psychologist​