Permission to Grieve
Last week we dropped off our sophomore at college. Yesterday we dropped off our junior at college. Our high school senior son was up early and out of the house for his job.
The house was uncharacteristically quiet this morning. Sadly quiet.
I walked down the creaky steps. The same steps I used to tiptoe down when they were babies, or the creaking would invariably wake up a little one too early when they were 4, 3, and 1 year old.
Only now, there’s no one to wake up.
With that realization, the creaking of the steps this morning felt like 50 pound dumbbells hanging from my heart.
Thankfully, I was greeted by a beautiful bouquet of flowers my sister gave me from her unbelievable flower garden on her farm in Lancaster, PA.
Our daughter goes to school just 10 minutes from my sister. It’s wonderful to see my sister, be in her house with breathtaking curated antiques where you can just feel the history in them, be on her property and tour the gardens, and eat the stuffed jalapeños, right from her garden. It’s so healing. I always think my sister should have her own TV show or magazine. Better than Martha Stewart!
I inquired about the wooden fence that she built around the vegetable garden. She repurposed all of the wood from another part of property. The fence itself is a work of art. I laughed out loud at the contrast between us sisters, as I can barely hammer a nail!!
I brought the bouquet outside this morning to take some photos and enjoy my cup of coffee. I was doing ok until my husband came out and said what I was feeling, but didn’t want to say out loud- “You know, I’m sad this morning without the kids here.”
“I know dear, I know.”
The change from three young adults lingering and laughing and enjoying bagels in our kitchen on a Saturday morning, to the new quiet, is palpable.
I’ll just sit here and be comforted by this gorgeous bouquet of flowers carefully picked and arranged by my sister, who also just dropped off her two children at college, and listen to the wind carrying my neighbor’s horses’ neighs.
Sharing the beauty of these flowers here for all the moms and dads out there who might be feeling the “after college drop-off blues.” It’s possible to feel excited and happy for them and sad at the same time.
You’re not alone, and we’ll all be OK.
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