Coping with Grief After Children Leave Home

I belong to a facebook group with over 200,000 members. It’s for parents of adult children. Over the past two weeks, I’ve seen parents post heartache after heartache, dropping their children off at college. Many are surprised at how much they’re hurting. Some are hard on themselves for feeling tremendous grief when it “should” be a positive life transition.

I thought I’d share some ideas for coping. Feel free to share if someone you know is going through this now.

1. Allow yourself to grieve. Yes, this is a loss. And the way we cope with loss is by grieving. I have yet to meet anyone who has healed by ignoring emotional pain. We grieve many different things. We grieve when a loved one passes away. We grieve when circumstances change. We grieve when we our lives change. We grieve when someone who we used to see every day in the house is no longer there. Give yourself permission to feel. Give yourself permission to grieve.
2. Express your emotions. Part of healing painful emotions involves expression. Your feelings need an outlet. This can take on many forms. Talk to a trusted friend. Write in a journal. Cry. Speak with a psychologist to help sort out your feelings.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your relationship with your child is unique. Your feelings are unique. When you compare your feelings to someone else, you are likely to end up feeling worse. You may end up feeling worse when you compare yourself to someone who does not seem so affected by their children being gone. You do not know that person’s relationship, and you do not know what is happening behind closed doors. You may judge yourself for feeling intense grief when someone you know has a child that died. Someone else’s profound loss does not change what you are going through or diminish your grief. Be kind to yourself.
4. Engage in activities that boost mood. Exercise. Engage in a gratitude practice. Listen to music. Read. Engage in a favorite craft. If you’d like some research-backed ideas, you’ll find 35 of them in my book, FEELING Good: 35 Proven Ways to Happiness, Even During Tough Times.
5. Try something new. What is something you’ve always wanted to try? Look for group activities or group or private lessons.
6. Revisit something that you used to enjoy. Is there an activity that you gave up in the past, simply because you didn’t have time? Maybe you used to love to paint. Maybe you loved to go ice skating. Maybe you took dance lessons. Maybe you simply loved to color or make things. Think about what brought you joy in childhood. Is there a way you can incorporate that into your life now?
7. Spend time with people. Get together with your girlfriends. Join a group with your church. Volunteer and connect with other volunteers and people.

I’ve got a brand new bracelet design for the mom you may know going through this transition, The Moon Mom Bracelet. You can take a peek by clicking HERE! A wonderful gift for the Moon Mom you know, or for yourself.

If you’re local, I’m running a 4 week program to support mothers. Sign up HERE if you’re local and interested! We start September 14^th!