The Goodbye No One Prepares Us For

Happiness and grief can coexist.

One of the most common forms of ambiguous grief I see in my work with women 55+ is when adult children leave home to begin the next chapter of their lives.

For college, work, military service, or graduate school.

It’s a loss that isn’t often acknowledged, yet it is very real and worthy of being felt.

Goodbyes are hard.

This was the look on my husband and dog’s faces as my daughter and I pulled out of the driveway as she left for medical school, 2,300 miles away. ❤️🐾

It’s bittersweet. We’re incredibly proud of her and so excited for this next adventure, but we’re going to miss her more than words can express.

My daughter and I just completed our three-day cross-country trek to Montana.

As we drove, I thought about how life has come full circle. I was 24 years old, just like her, when my mother drove with me to Colorado for my ski-bum winter in Vail before I began my doctoral program in Psychology.

I will never forget looking in my rearview mirror and seeing the sadness on my father’s face as I pulled out of the driveway of my childhood home in 1992.

As my daughter and I pulled out of her childhood home, I saw that same look on my husband’s face…
…and on my dog’s too.

This is exactly what we raise our children to do- to spread their wings and fly.

The joy of watching them pursue their dreams doesn’t erase the ache of missing them. Both emotions can exist at the same time.

That’s the beauty, and sometimes the heartbreak, of loving deeply.

This is called ambiguous grief. It’s grief that comes from a significant life change rather than a death. It’s often invisible to others, making it difficult to name and even harder to give ourselves permission to feel. For that reason, it’s called “disenfranchised grief” too.

In my work with women over 55, I hear this all the time. Many women come to me because they know something feels different. Their children have launched, they’ve retired or decreased their work hours, become “empty nesters” (I don’t like that term – we’re not “empty”), lost parts of their identity, or are navigating other major life transitions.

They feel grief, but they don’t always have a name for it. Once they understand that what they’re experiencing is ambiguous grief, everything begins to make more sense.

This is one of the important topics we explore inside YOUR Happy Second Half. Together, we learn practical, research-based tools to process grief, rediscover purpose, strengthen relationships, and intentionally create a life filled with more joy, connection, and meaning.

Time and again, women tell me that simply realizing they’re not alone is one of the most healing parts of the journey.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to read my blog, “Ambiguous Grief in Midlife: Naming the Losses No One Talks About,“ where I explain what ambiguous grief is and share strategies to begin healing.
​

And if you’re ready to move beyond simply understanding your grief to truly creating a joyful, meaningful second half of life, I’d love to welcome you into YOUR Happy Second Half. For women who are seeking more individualized support, I also offer 1:1 coaching and traditional 1:1 psychotherapy, depending on your unique needs and goals. Whether you are looking to process grief, navigate a major life transition, or intentionally create your next chapter, I would be honored to support you.

Happiness and grief aren’t opposites.

They can coexist.

And when we make room for both, we discover that our capacity for joy becomes even greater and felt all the sweeter.

For more than 25 years as a psychologist, combined with a lifelong curiosity about the human journey, I have explored (and lived) both suffering and happiness. I have learned that a truly fulfilling life isn’t built by avoiding pain, but by developing the tools to move through life’s challenges while still creating joy, connection, and purpose.

I’ve learned that they aren’t opposites. In fact, trying to eliminate emotional pain often keeps us from experiencing the deepest joy.

The happiest women I know aren’t the ones who have experienced the least grief. They’re the ones who have learned how to make room for both. Lasting happiness isn’t found by avoiding grief, It’s found by learning how to carry it with self-compassion while continuing to build a life filled with purpose, connection, and moments of joy.

This is what makes YOUR Happy Second Half different. We don’t chase happiness by pretending the hard parts of life don’t exist. We learn how to honor them. Because when grief is acknowledged instead of avoided, it loses its power to quietly steal our joy.

That’s when genuine happiness has room to grow.

​

In Gratitude,

Dr. Peggy

The Gratitude Psychologist – Helping women create authentic happiness by embracing both joy and grief.

Founder of YOUR Happy Second Half – Where Positive Psychology Meets Real Life