One Daily Habit That Transforms Stress Into Strength
Science shows this small shift combats anxiety, stress, and even illness.
Do What Makes Your Soul Happy
One simple way to live a more fulfilling life is to do what brings you joy. This helps combat depression and anxiety, and makes stressful situations and life crises more bearable.
I have always been drawn to positive psychology, even before I knew it had a name. I was raised by a child psychiatrist who enjoyed reading about and practicing methods of living a fulfilling life, to help his patients, and to help himself. My father knew how to LIVE.
When I think back on his life, what resonates with me is that my father always took time out to fuel his soul and do what made him happy. He did so while busy with a thriving private practice, and while being an active and loving father to four children. I never saw his pursuit of enjoyment as selfish. That is a priceless gift that he taught me through his behavior. He sought joy, he was joyful, and he was a joy to be around.
Being able to create joy in everyday living is now something that I strive to help my clients with. As I am putting the finishing touches on the audible version of my bestselling memoir I Can See Clearly Now, I repeatedly find myself stressing the importance of creating joy, even during difficult times – Seeking and creating joy in the darkness and corners when it cannot easily be “found.”
I have worked with busy women in my private practice for over two decades, and I have noticed some resistance to creating time for joy. Excuses such as, “I’m too busy,” “There’s no time to do what I really love,” “That’s selfish. I’ve got kids who need me.” Or when women reach a point when their children are older and they finally feel like they have some free time, then comes, “I don’t even KNOW what brings me joy anymore.”
I’m here to tell you, doing what brings you joy is not selfish. It’s necessary. Doing what brings you joy or makes your soul happy actually makes you the best version of yourself. It makes your interactions with all of those around you more loving and pleasant. It makes you the best friend, mother, wife, etc you can be. Doing what brings you enjoyment elevates mood, and that elevated mood in turn affects your behavior and interactions with others.
Think of it as your positive mood being contagious, because science demonstrates that it is! So if you still are struggling with the idea that doing what you love is selfish, think of it as one way that you can give to others by giving them your best self.
It is also important to remember that there is only one person in charge of your life, of your happiness, and that is YOU! You have choices, and you can choose to engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. No one else can do that for you. It is up to YOU to make the time for it, not just find the time – even if it’s just for five minutes. It matters.
And if improving your emotional health is not sufficient reason for you to engage in doing what makes your soul happy, remember that it also benefits your physical health. Engaging in enjoyable activities reduces stress, and we all know that reduced stress means reduced physical illness.
Being too “busy” with school, work, and/or parenthood are the main reasons I hear why people are not doing what brings them joy. One way to address this is to make an appointment with yourself. Yes, that’s right. Make an appointment with yourself. Put it in Google Calendar, or write in on the paper calendar. And then KEEP this appointment. Block out the time and write “me time.” Make a weekly appointment with yourself to do what makes your soul happy.
It is also important for “busy” people to find enjoyment EVERY day. This need not involve a lot of time, but it is important to engage in something enjoyable every day. I look back to the “busiest” year of my life when I was in graduate school. I woke up at 5:45AM, drove an hour to work and got there by 8AM. I worked with children with cancer at a hospital from 8AM until 3PM. Then I had another hour of driving and taking the train to take two classes in New York City. One at 4:00-6:40, and the other 7:00-9:40. Then I had a 60-90 minute commute home. I was a broke student, and I could not afford to eat out. So once I got home, I made and packed my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next day. By then it was midnight. And then I did it all over again, and again, and again.
But during the 20 minutes I had free from 6:40-7:00, I always did something I enjoyed. I ate dinner with a classmate. I walked toward South Street Seaport. I listened to music. I admired the Brooklyn Bridge. And before I went to bed, I always made sure that I had at least five minutes of doing something I enjoyed, such as reading, and always spending time with my husband. I simply could not have gotten through that time without doing something that brought me pure joy every day. It gave me something to look forward to, and it was the gift that I gave myself every single day. So if you are a busy student/mother/father/worker/business owner, give yourself the gift of at least five predictable minutes of joy before going to bed.
What about when life is stressful or sad?
There will be times in your life when creating joy and doing what makes your soul happy seems impossible, or not even desirable. When the demands of a job and/or parenthood or a life crisis are simply too time-consuming and exhausting, or when life feels too heavy or sad. During these times, you can make it a goal to seek joy in daily, mundane tasks. Sing while doing the dishes. Play loud music while cleaning the house. Focus on gratitude when feeling overwhelmed. For example, often when I am feeling overwhelmed about the piles and piles of never-ending dirty laundry, I shift my thinking and focus on gratitude. Gratitude that I have four bodies in my home that create that laundry. Four people to love.
Creating joy and doing what makes your soul happy need not be extravagant. It can be a simple enjoyment. In fact, during a time of crisis, simple is better. 31 years ago, when I was caring for my fiancé during the last 42 days of his life while he was at the hospital battling cancer, I discovered the simple pleasure in hazelnut coffee. Even during the most awful time of my life, it was important to me to find something to hang on to, something ever so simple to enjoy every day. Enjoying that hazelnut coffee and gratitude for that hazelnut coffee are what got me through those days.
In summary:
• Doing what makes your soul happy helps combat depression and anxiety, and makes stressful situations and life crises more bearable
• Doing what makes your soul happy is not selfish
• Doing what makes your soul happy helps you to be your best self
• Your elevated mood will help to elevate the mood of those around you
• You are in charge of your life – it is up to you to make the time for enjoyment
• Doing what makes your soul happy also benefits your physical health
• Make a weekly appointment with yourself, and KEEP it
• Create something that you can do every day for at least five minutes that you can engage in on your busiest of days
• Shift your thinking to discover gratitude during busy days
• It is important during life crises to engage in simple acts that bring comfort. Read. Laugh with a loved one. Listen to music. Write. Take a bath. Drink hazelnut coffee.
If you need some support getting rid of those limiting beliefs that interfere with joy, would like to brainstorm some activities of varying times that bring you joy, and schedule them into your life, check out this downloadable sheet that I prepared for you – My Joy Plan.
It’s helped hundreds of women create more simple joy in their lives. Maybe it will help you, too 😊
In Gratitude,
Dr. Peggy, The Gratitude Psychologist
Founder, Midlife Awakening Sisterhood
PS – And if you need a wearable reminder, I’ve got you covered with the Do What Makes Your Soul Happy bracelet!
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