Do this do to avoid “toxic positivity”

Gratitude is not toxic positivity, but…it can be

We’ve heard a lot about the power of gratitude. It’s not a new idea. It’s been studied extensively by psychologists and proven to be effective for improving well-being.

In fact, one meta-analysis that looked at 158 different studies with over 100,000 people found it to be the factor most correlated with overall well-being.

This is why I love teaching about gratitude. Not only is it free and accessible at any moment, it feels good in the moment, and it is the factor most associated with your overall wellbeing in the future. Your future mental health.

But now, we’re hearing a lot about toxic positivity. Practicing gratitude is not toxic positivity.

But… it can be.

Gratitude is not toxic positivity, as long as you do this one thing – feel your emotional pain.

That’s why I’m bothered by catch phrases like “Choose happiness” and “Be grateful.” These platitudes can be damaging and do not honor the human experience of dealing with emotional pain.

That does not help when you’re battling depression and cannot get out of bed. Oh, if being happy were that easy!

That does not help when you’re experiencing acute grief and deep despair to the point that you have no appetite and have to be reminded to eat.

That does not help when you’re dealing with constant anxiety and negative thoughts.

Gratitude is not a method of stuffing your emotional pain. That is “toxic positivity” that you see all over social media.

Gratitude comes after you’ve allowed yourself to feel sad, betrayed, disappointed, grief-stricken. Gratitude comes after (and even during) processing emotional pain.

In fact, it’s crucial for your well-being that you allow yourself to feel emotional pain.

Gratitude is a daily practice that you can utilize so that you don’t get stuck in that emotional pain. Then when you experience the benefits of practicing gratitude, it makes you want to do it even more.

And behind the scenes, your brain is helping you in two ways:

1. By releasing serotonin and dopamine in your brain to help you feel good in the moment when you’re thinking about what you’re grateful for
2. By forming new neural pathways in your brain to be a more positive thinker and see the world through a different lens.

This is never at the expense of ignoring your emotional pain. Please do not listen to the social media influencers who say, “Don’t be sad. Be grateful.”

I know it might sound strange, but I’m encouraging you to feel sad. Process your sadness. Talk about your grief to a trusted friend or professional. Write about it. Cry. Weep.

Then when you’re ready, gratitude can help you move forward through your sadness or grief.

Not around it. Not ignoring it. But feeling through it.

This is what exercise #4 in The Grateful Day is all about.

The five exercises in The Grateful Day came together after delivering hundreds of gratitude presentations to thousands of people. I’ve taken the feedback from participants, my own experiences in discovering the power of gratitude while grieving, and the research and brain science related to gratitude and carefully crafted these 5 exercises to bring you from your first waking moments, to when your head hits the pillow at the end of the day.

It’s actually those two times when people feel the heaviness of sadness and grief the most – upon wakening, and upon going to bed. So it was important to me that I include those times.

And of course, I had to address processing your emotional pain in crafting these 5 exercises. Because we simply cannot heal what we don’t feel. Trust that the fulness of joy is on the other side.

You may have already participated in The Grateful Day by signing up for the challenge after one of my talks at your college/university, business group, or place of employment.

Click –> The Grateful Day if you’ve never participated in and would like to do in the 5-day challenge (it’s FREE),

OR if you already participated and you’d like a refresher,

OR if you’d like to pass the link along to someone you love and care about.

In Gratitude,

Peggy